Fine. I'll sleep in my office
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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