Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
