I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
