hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize