I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If I die, sorry about rent.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
