she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
