Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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