he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
