two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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