I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
