It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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