she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
