Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
