I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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