I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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