I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we're making bets on your personal life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
