I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
