We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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