I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
