I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
