I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
