There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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