Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
