I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its about making memories worth repressing
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
