she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
