please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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