What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
