We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
