Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
