You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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