I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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