I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
