so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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