I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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