I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
