One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
