IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
