Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
did i just pee glitter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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