so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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