I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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