He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize