Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
