I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
