So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
