Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
