im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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