You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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