Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Those nachos came to me in a dream
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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