I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
