sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
