she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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