i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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