If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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