glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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