I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
