I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
