I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
