THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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