woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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