at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Drunk is a universal language darling
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
