Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
