you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
