Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
