the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize