i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
