please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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