We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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