Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
