he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
