I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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