Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
