I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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